Q: What is the best way to make a small fortune at woodworking?

A: Start with a large fortune.

Q: I’d like to achieve a nice, uniform color when staining cherry. Isn’t there some way to keep the wood from blotching?

A: Sure, use paint.

Q: My wife gave me an ultimatum: Spend less time in the shop or she’ll leave me. What should I do?

A: Be sure to get a forwarding address.

Q: My dog chewed one of the legs of my dining table. What do you recommend to fix this?

A: Saw off the other three legs to match and call it a coffee table.

Q: I’ve heard it said that the older you get, the less you have to sand your projects. Is this because your skills improve?

A: No, it’s because your eyes get worse.

Q: What’s the best tool to deal with mistakes made as a beginning woodworker?

A: A coping saw.

Q: I measured once, cut twice, and it’s still too short. Now what?

A: Darned if we know, the folks from Fine Woodworking borrowed our board stretcher and haven’t returned it yet.

Stanley “Jack” Plain is a woodworker with nearly 13 3⁄16 decades of woodworking experience under his tool belt (which he inherited from his maternal grandfather, Crossly “Rip” Sawyer). He is renowned for his warped sense of humor and his ability to straighten out twisted lumber with his steely gaze.